Is your next passion sitting on the back burner?

Do you ever feel like in the busyness of life, you're always putting things on the back burner? As in, someday I'd like to learn how to paint, when I have the time. "The time" is an undetermined point in the future that can be weeks, months, years, or never. How many times does this thing always stay on the "back burner" and never come to fruition?

For years, I had wanted to take a cake decorating class. I missed an opportunity to take one right before I moved to Colorado Springs, and then I never got around to doing it once I relocated. Last winter, I was experiencing a bit of a lull -- no exciting trips to plan, not much going on. And I remembered how much I wanted to take cake decorating, so I used Christmas money and signed up for a class at Hobby Lobby, a nearby craft store.

I ended up taking two 4-week courses in a row, and ended up unearthing a new favorite hobby! I learned how to make borders, roses, basketweave, you name it. And I also started learning more about baking cakes -- what makes them fall apart, what makes them moist, how can you add ingredients to cake mixes to make delicious flavors. Before I knew it, I was making cakes for friends and family: birthdays, bridal showers, baby showers, graduations.

I realized that by doing cake decorating, I was combining several of my passions:

• I love baking and enjoy the challenge of trying new recipes.
• I reconnect with my artistic side by creating new and unique cake designs.
• I enjoy blessing people with cakes in their honor (gift giving and acts of service are my love languages).

Now, why didn't I do this years ago? If I had known how much joy I would receive, and give to others, perhaps I would have. But you never know until you take the initiative to pull things off the back burner. What is on your back burner right now? Is it time to just take the plunge and do it?

Next on my horizon? I just might take up the violin. One of these days.

The Post-Oscar Blahs

My dad and I used to watch the Academy Awards together every year, and when I was younger I would often daydream of becoming a famous actress and someday receiving an Oscar. I'm sure I wasn't the only kid to rehearse her acceptance speech in front of the mirror on more than one occasion (some of you probably still do this!). And I figured if I made sure to thank God, He'd be even more willing to pave my way to the red carpet. I wonder how many award winners mention God in their speeches due to a bargain they made like this, anyway :-)

Inside each one of us is a desire to be recognized and appreciated, hence the fanfare of all these award shows (and our unrealistic daydreams). And, of course, we also secretly long to be the BEST. We're drawn to award shows not just to watch the movie clips or make fun of fashion nightmares (ahem, can you say J. Lo?) -- at some level, all of us can relate to Hollywood's desire to puff itself up and seek approval. As I watched the Oscars last night, I wondered what was on the minds of the nominees in the room. For many, an Oscar represents the pinnacle of their career -- the ultimate prize that validates their identity, and then gathers dust in the display case while they glory about their past triumph. What happens if they don't win, or even if they do win? Can a little gold statue really do all that they hope it will?

Some years back, I went on a trip to Hollwood to do some prayer walking with my church. We partnered with a really cool ministry called The Hollywood Prayer Network, and the president said something that really struck me. She explained that the day after the Oscars is the darkest day in Hollywood. Those who didn't win an award feel like failures, which is an understandable response to disappointment. However, those who did win are struck with the thought of "I finally got an Oscar. Is this all there is?" There's no where to go but down when so much emphasis is placed on some symbol of recognition. After they get home at 5 am from their post-Oscar parties and the hype is all over, what do they do?

This begs the question, what is your dream? And what would you do if it were achieved? It would certainly provide a temporary euphoria, but what then? There's nothing wrong with dreaming big and wanting to achieve goals -- but there is something wrong with the belief that it will be enough. We're setting ourselves up for disappointment if our identity is based on what we do.

At this year's Academy Awards, something really stuck out at me. For the best actor and actress presentations, they invited one of the nominees' colleagues to say something about that person. My favorite was Michelle Pfeiffer's encouraging words to Jeff Bridges, who was later announced as the winner. I just thought, I would rather have the encouraging and uplifting words of a friend any day instead of a silly trophy, even if it is made of gold. There may have only been one winner, but each person was able to leave that theatre with those words on his or her heart. A good reminder of how important it is to build each other up.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the Oscars. What were your impressions of the actors and actresses there?

The Immeasurable Value of Forgiveness

Forgiveness. The concept can make some people cringe, and others cry for joy -- I guess it depends on whether you're on the receiving end or not. It's human nature to struggle with forgiving others when they've wronged you. Some of us have a difficult time receiving forgiveness from someone else or even being able to forgive ourselves.

Let's face it -- we've all hurt other people by our words, actions, or inactions. Could you imagine a world where no one forgave each other? Talk about unpleasant, if not downright unlivable. It stands to reason that if we would want others to let us off the hook for our mistakes, we should do the same. If you've been to church or picked up a Bible recently, you probably know that forgiveness is a central theme of the Christian faith. Jesus tells us to forgive men when they sin against us, so that God will forgive us. I love how he compares forgiving someone with canceling a debt that is owed.

I've heard authors and Bible teachers liken unforgiveness to a cage that traps both the victim and the perpetator. The victim believes that by not forgiving, she holds some kind of power over the person who hurt her. "But he doesn't deserve my forgiveness" or "she hasn't even apologized" become excuses to hold on to this pain. What the victim doesn't realize is that this plan always backfires, and she becomes a prisoner in a self-made prison. She has an illusion of control over the situation, but it's really just a sham.

We often believe that we can only truly forgive if we feel like forgiving. I'm not quite ready yet, we tell ourselves. But if we wait for our emotions to dictate when to take this step, we lose valuable time in which we could be enjoying the release and freedom that comes from letting it all go ...and who's to say we would ever reach that point, at least not before bitterness and anger seep into our souls and slowly destroy us.

That's why forgiveness should be based on a choice, not a feeling. I know this is not a new concept, but we forget this so often. Emotions are fickle, people! We inevitably make poor decisions when we rely on our feelings to guide us. It's like love -- we may not always feel love for someone, but we still choose to love them. It's an act of the will. When we make the determination to choose forgiveness, the feelings come later. They really do.

Case in point -- some years ago, I felt betrayed by some people who I thought cared for me. I met this couple -- we'll call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith, for lack of a more original name (and no, they did not resemble Brangelina). I was drawn to their charisma and leadership, and I grew to respect and trust them quite a bit as we developed a friendship. They really made me feel valued and welcomed, and would compliment and encourage me...until everything changed overnight.

A conflict emerged between them and another group, and I was pulled into the middle. Mr. and Mrs. Smith wanted me to do one thing. The "other side" wanted me to do something else. I was in an impossible place in which either way I would upset someone. So, I decided to remove myself from this volatile situation. When I didn't act as their pawn, the Smiths cut off contact with me. As if that wasn't enough, they spread nasty lies about me and maligned me to some of our mutual friends. It was probably the strongest attack against my character that I've ever encountered, and I was caught completely off-guard. This couple whom I had trusted had turned on me, and seemed to have been "wolves in sheep's clothing" the whole time.

This betrayal wounded me deeply and had come on the heels of several other difficult circumstances in the past several months. I would sit in church and just feel completely numb and detached. It was a dark time. On some level, I wanted to forgive the Smiths, but it just seemed so impossible. Perhaps nine months later, I ran into the Smiths in a video rental store and an emotional breakdown followed. The pain was still very real, as was the paranoia that I would see them again in the future.

Time heals a lot, and I felt after a year-and-a-half went by that I had forgiven them. Then my small group started a study on offense, and it revealed an even deeper layer of unforgiveness toward the Smiths. I committed to continually making the choice to forgive. It was a decision I made every time the memory of them or of the situation would pop up. After a while, I no longer even thought about them.

Almost three years after the incident, I was swimming at the YMCA with my friend. As usual, we made a beeline for the jacuzzi after our workout. As I walked into the room, my eyes immediately locked on a couple in the hot tub -- it was the Smiths! They had seen me, so there was no way to back-pedal from there without looking obvious. I went into the hot tub and we started an amiable conversation. The amazing thing was, they no longer had any hold on me. I didn't feel the sting of pain or the panic that I had experienced before. I was confident and composed. It wasn't until we left the Y that I realized how significant that moment was for me.

I had chosen to forgive them, even when I didn't feel like it. And the feelings of forgiveness really did follow. I was no longer in a cage where I could continue to be tormented -- I was free! It didn't matter if they deserved my forgiveness or not. I was obedient to God, and it blessed me in turn.

It was only a year later that the same friend who was with me at the YMCA that day heard that a family member had been brutally murdered. In the midst of her grief, she told me that she didn't know how she could ever forgive her loved one's killer. Now, that offense was much greater than my own had been, but I knew from experience that forgiveness is possible when you're willing to make that choice. I reminded her of the miracle I experienced with the Smiths, and encouraged her that if she was willing to make the choice, God would meet her right there. 

If any of you are wrestling with this issue, I pray that God empowers you and gives you strength and courage to take the next step -- the step of forgiveness that leads to freedom!